That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
