i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
