I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
