I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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