Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
