Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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