Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
