He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
