The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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