well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
