I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
