Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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