Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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