hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The ass gains better be worth it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
