A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
