i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize