Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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