just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
