Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
