i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
