it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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