His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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