Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
