I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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