so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
