No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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