is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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