i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
