After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just invented taco cereal.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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