there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
