I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
