I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
