OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
