Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
