I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
