her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
