ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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