omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
