Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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