just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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