Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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