She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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