ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
