A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His nipple licking is glorious
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
