Plan B is the new Plan A
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize