If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
