Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
