Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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