Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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