So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
