thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
