We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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