I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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