I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
