you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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