Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
