He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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