I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
