Define "chronic" masturbator.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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