i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
