her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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