the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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