I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
