I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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