1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
