So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize