For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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