She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
