You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my sisters under your porch take her home
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
