i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
