Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

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(334): View more from Alabama

This hangover is way worse than all my relationships

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(770): View more from Georgia

I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.

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(703): View more from Virginia

just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.

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(716): View more from New York

I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.

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(801): View more from Utah

I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic

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(605): View more from South Dakota

You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants

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