Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
