I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
