I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
