Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
