Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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