come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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