ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
