Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
