We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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