Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
