that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Welp...herpes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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