Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
