I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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