I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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