Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
