Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
