mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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