hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
