Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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