Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
