just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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