You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
