At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
