everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
