I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
