Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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