note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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