i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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