You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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