Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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