2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
