I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
