I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
