he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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