So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
