so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
