just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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